are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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