It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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