and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she peed on how many people?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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