Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
