i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
