Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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