Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
