You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
