she kept yelling 'call me bella'
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
