You don't have asthma, your pregnant
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
