so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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