Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
