I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
