i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
