Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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