She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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