When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
