she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
