Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
