Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
