i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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