So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
