i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
