when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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