Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
