What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
