Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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