did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
