I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
