You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
