3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
