i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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