He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
