There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
