I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
