Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Found your dick twin last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
