I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
