I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
