I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
