there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
