you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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