i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
