Already got asked if we're dating
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
