There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
