ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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