I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
