once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
