also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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