while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
