just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We talked him into tasing himself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
