4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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