Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize