you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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