Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
