Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
