When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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