Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
