I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
