bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
