I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
