I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
