do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it's great music for shaving your balls
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
