that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
