Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize