I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
