i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
