Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
