im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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