And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
