i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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