I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
