My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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