Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize