Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
