I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize