I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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