In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
