she was so not down for the gang bang
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He has the fingertips of a God
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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