No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
