you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
