yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
