i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
