I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
