saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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