is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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