omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
