you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
