Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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