my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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