I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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