plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
