gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
