I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
