My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
