Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize