i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
