I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My life is pants optional.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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