The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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