lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she peed on how many people?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
