I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
