dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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