somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
